How to Deal with Emotions
by nerdyfanchick
Summary: Or, In which Lovino is 110% Totally Straight and uses advice from romcoms and teen novels to get through his murky feelings. /"Maybe" He said, staring at his still-flushed reflection, humorless smile playing on his lips, "Maybe sono etero will be our always."/ [Spamano piece in the So You've Got Feelings series] (Previously "How to Endure a Spaniard")
1. How to Start a Year

_I really shouldn't be writing this because htwap still has 2 chapters that I need to write but the spamano dynamic in this au makes me really happy and I need to share it._

_Anyway, basic au, high school w nyos_

_Nyo Iggy: Guinevere Kirkland (Gwen-aa-veer)_

_Nyo Italy: Alice Vargas (Al-ee-che)_

_Also any part that says it takes place in Italy, you can assume the characters are actually speaking italian k_

_Enjoy~_

* * *

**The Vargas' family villa, Italy (Age 8)**

Lovino's papa and mama were looking at him weirdly.

"What was that last part, baby? The part about your friend Gabriele?" His mama asked, her smile looking a bit... _off_.

Lovino huffed, because he hated it when his parents didn't listen to his stories. "I _said_, me and Gabriele were playing calcio with Ali but then our ball went into Ms. Senforza's yard and she's _super scary_, so we were all sad but Gabri said that he would go ask his brother for his ball."

"No, no," His papa shook his head as he wiped off Alice's mouth, "_After_ that, the part about... his eyes."

"Oh! Gabri has really pretty eyes! They're like storm clouds, only cooler and-"

"Boys aren't pretty, Lovino."

Lovino scrunched up his nose, because his mama was using her _don't say anything like that ever again or I'll wash your mouth out with that icky lilac soap again, I mean it mister!_ voice, but Lovino hadn't copied _any_ of papa's words.

"But, Gabri _is _pretty," He insisted, "Just like mama."

Because Gabriele's hair was shiny, just like mama's, and his eyes looked nice and sparkly, just like mama's, and Gabriele made Lovino feel all warm and happy inside, just like how mama did, and papa said that mama was pretty all the time, so Gabriele _had_ to be pretty, just like mama.

His papa reached over and grabbed Lovino's face, squishing up the small face. "Listen, boys aren't pretty. Boys can't be pretty. You should _never_ feel like a boy is pretty or cute or beautiful; those words are for how _girls_ make you feel and it's _wrong _to think that about a boy, understand?"

Lovino nodded the best that he could in his papa's hold, "Yes, papa. Will you let go now? Your nails are hurting my cheek..."

Papa immediately let go and launched into his day at work as if nothing had happened, and Lovino decided that he had to be more careful, so that he didn't accidentally say more wrong stuff.

* * *

**Romulus Vargas' American home, America (Age 16)**

**_"_****_Four letter word just to get me along, it's a difficulty and I'm biting on my tou-"_**

Lovino, as per his typical morning ritual, nearly threw his phone across the room in his efforts to shut off the annoying alarm (Which did work, but now it was on the floor so Lovino would actually have to _get up _next time it went off). Then, he snuggled back down into his blankets so he could sleep and pretend that it wasn't the first day of school for almost exactly four more minutes before...

**_"Loathing, unadulterated loathing." _**

_Fucking wonderful. Right on time._

Lovino almost literally slinked out of his bed, dragging his blankets with him, to grabbed his phone and slam a finger down on the talk button with more force than necessary.

"Fuck you with a rusty rake, Tomato Bastard."

_"And good morning to you too, Lovi!" _The happy (_way_ too happy, especially for this early) voice trilled loudly.

"You're yelling; you're in the tree, then?" Antonio's mother worked from home and slept in until 11, so he had to go around the house in near silence in the mornings. Luckily-Lovino supposed it was, since he probably would be late to school more often than not if not for his wake up call-he oak tree in their front yard had a branch that Antonio could climb onto from his bedroom window.

"Si! And listen, there are a bunch of bird out here too," The idiot on the other side of the line went quiet and Lovino could faintly hear birds in the background.

Lovino shifted the phone to his shoulder and forced himself to leave the warm confines of his blanket cocoon so that he could get ready and get this day over with as fast as possible. "Fantastic. Did you start the coffee yet?"

"Oh, um, I was going to but then I had to call you and the birds and-" Lovino dropped the phone as he hopped in an attempt to get his canary yellow skinny jeans on (And Lovino had gotten sinfully good at ignoring the part of his brain that said that only _girls_ wore skinny jeans, much less colored ones, because he looked good, damn it), so he missed the middle of Antonio's weak apology. "-But after I get off the phone I'll get right on it!"

"Then get it done _now_," Lovino growled as he finished tousling his hair perfectly and ended the call.

_Perfect_, Lovino thought as he stood in front of his mirror, surveying himself.

"Perfect!" A voice echoed his thoughts from the doorway, and Lovino spun around and glared at his younger sister. "Morning Lovi! I made eggs and bacon, and, ve, nonno isn't here-I think he spent the night at that one girl's house, what was her name? Lisa?-so you only have to battle me for it."

Lovino didn't reply to anything his sister said as he made his way downstairs, but fuck everything, the old man had _promised_ that he would stop doing that. "Is your German Shepherd picking you up or what?"

"It's really Sakura picking all of us up, but yes. And I wish you'd stop calling her that. I mean, ve, it's slightly better than 'Potato Bitch', but only barely," Alice said with a click of her tongue.

"I only don't call her Potato Bitch when I'm around you or when I'm speaking to her face, but I don't have time to talk to you about nicknames," Lovino checked his phone for the time and swore under his breath, "Damn, I'm going to be late."

"Say hi to big brother Tonio for me!" Alice yelled to after Lovino's back, and Lovino flipped her off.

Lovino was a realist, and as such he realized that this year was probably going to suck.

* * *

**To: The Idiot (7:28 AM)**

**If we run into the before school rush because you're taking your goddamn time**

**Then I will destroy you**

**Hurry the fuck up dummy**

**To: Kirkland, Guinevere (7:29 AM)**

**You changed your name in my phone**

**From: Kirkland, Guinevere (7:30 AM)**

**You noticed. I don't like being called "Gwenie", you know.**

**N****ot that you would've gathered that from the millions of times that I've said it before.**

******To: Kirkland, Guinevere (7:31 AM)**

******Scarcasm doesn't transfer well over text eyebrows**

**And its gwenie kirks now**

**From: Gwenie Kirks (7:32 AM)**

**CHANGE IT TO SOMETHING RESPECTABLE THIS INSTANT YOU WANKER**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:32 AM)**

**Like hell**

******From: Gwenie Kirks (7:33 AM)**

******No matter, I'll change it back next time I get ahold of your phone. **

******Your pin is typically easy to guess.**

******To: Gwenie Kirks (7:33 AM)**

******My pin is fucking great**

******From: Gwenie Kirks (7:34 AM)**

******If by "fucking great", you mean "incredibly simple", then I agree wholeheartedly.**

**And I forgot to mention it before, but cute wallpaper.**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:34 AM)**

**Fuck you and your dual pigtails**

**From: The Idiot (7:35 AM)**

**sry lovi!**

**i woke mama up when i was making breakfast and she yelled at me v.v **

**but ill be out in a second okay~~**

**To: The Idiot (7:36 AM)**

**Christ you take forfuckingever come on**

**From: Gwenie Kirks (7:37 AM)**

**I don't think I'm your type, Lovino.**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:38 AM)**

**Hola!**

**This is Antonio since lovi is driving~**

**He said to tell you to fuck off which is really mean sorry Kirkland**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:39 AM)**

**It's fine, Carriedo.**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:39 AM)**

**And he wants to know if ur still going to meet us at the park**

**From: Gwenie Kirks (7:40 AM)**

**Is Lovino still buying?**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:40 AM)**

**Si~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Were getting donuts rn but he says you have to bring ur own drink**

**From: Gwenie Kirks (7:41 AM)**

**Give me a moment.**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:41 AM)**

**Okay!**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:43 AM)  
**

**... R u still there Kirkland?**

**From: Gwenie Kirks (7:44 AM)**

**Yes, sorry, I'm here. Tell Lovino I'll meet you there.**

**I have a first bell AP, but it's American History and they don't do anything on the first day anyway.**

**To: Gwenie Kirks (7:43 AM)**

**Okay~~**

**See u there!**

* * *

"Today is the first day of our Sophomore year, and we're skipping the first bell," Guinevere commented between bites of doughnut as they sat on a picnic blanket in the middle of the park's soccer field, "Does it seem a bit like a romance novel cliche to anyone else?"

_Yes, _Lovino thought, but it was _wrong_ for boys to read romance novels so instead he said "No one else can detect trashy novel tropes better than you, Gwenie Kirks," and smirked at her glare, and pretended not to notice the way that Antonio's smile faltered for a second. "But, Gwen's addiction to bad books aside, I'd like to propose a toast."

"A toast to what, Lovi?"

"I don't fucking know, to anything really, it just seems like the thing to do right now, bastard," He paused in thought, "How about this: To surviving another year stuck in this deadbeat town," Lovino answered, raising his coffee tumbler.

Guinevere rose doughnut slightly, "To skipping class for chocolate-covered doughnuts."

"To pretty bird song and trees," Antonio chimed and lifted his sugar-filled energy drink then, smiling at Lovino, added, "And first bell study hall!"

Lovino allowed himself a rare smile, "To making this year ever-so-slightly better than Freshman year!"

They clinked cups/pastries, and Lovino supposed that maybe he could let himself to be optimistic, just this once.

* * *

_Lovi was sort of ooc in the end uggggh but I enjoy writing this so much omg._

_Was the text part confusing for anyone? _

_Please review and follow and fave and whatever bros!_


	2. How to Find a Distraction

_Hey guys! So we have a new title, new description and... A TUMBLR TAG! It's "Fic:SYGF" if you're of the tumblring persuasion :D_

_Okay, so actually important stuff: This chapter took forever because of my 2 ap classes and distractions/plot bunnies and because I had my own mini sexuality crisis. Fun. But it's here because __I sat down and forced myself to stop procrastinating at 10 last night. I finished this chapter at 1am, posted, and went to bed. And then woke up at 5:30 to get ready for school. _

_Don't be like me. Don't fanfic on weekdays._

_Also, the series now has two completely canon spamano one-hots on Archive Of Our Own (My user is shippingeverything), so go check them out please! I'll be referencing one next chapter, and I'll explain the reference but reading the one-shots might be helpful _

_Please enjoy!_

* * *

**The Vargas' Family Villa, Italy (age 9)**

"Mama, papa, I'm back! The game was canceled because..." Lovino paused at the raised voices of his parents, speaking... English. Weird. He snuck closer to the study where they were arguing.

"_'S not like he did it, Achelle! Ali did, and y'know how she's been actin' since that German girl moved._" His mother said, her ever-constant accent muddling the english words that Lovino could already barely remember.

"_And that's supposed to make it_ _alright?_" His father yelled back, "_I'm supposed to be proud that my son has pink toes because he made his little sister feel better?_"

"_Yes! You are!"_" When his father stayed silent, mama sighed, "_Ya know what? I don'know why I married you. You're fuckin' horrible._"

"_You married me because I listened to your dumb ass and you got knocked up with the_ boy," His father mumbled, his tone is more like what you would use for a minor complaint then an actual insult. But then he remembered what they were fighting about. "_And I'm not going sit by and watch as you turn my son into a-a,_" His father paused, before continuing more quietly, and Lovino moved in because he had to hear, he had to know what papa didn't want, he had to make papa happy, "_a _fag_! Don't you get it, Lola? That's how it starts._"

"_It's _Lolicia_, you_ _dick,_" Lovino knew that she wasn't saying nice words (he had his mouth washed out on several occasions for using that word in particular), but she sounded the same way it does when she called them "Sweetie" or when she called papa "Darling". It was really weird. "_And Lovino'll be fine. We _are_ Vargas', after all; and Vargas men like women, right, baby?_"

Papa made some sort of growling noise, only happier, and mama giggled, and Lovino went back outside because they were probably about do something gross, like kiss.

"Vargas men like women," Lovino picked the hot pink paint off of his nails as he said the sentence in Italian, "Vargas men aren't... 'a fah-gug'."

* * *

**Himaruya High, 2nd Bell Biology (age 16)**

"... I'm like, 'Oi, Bastard! Get the fuck away from her!', but in Italian so it's more like, 'Ehi, bastardo! Cazzo allontanarsi da quella ragazza!'" Lovino very nearly smirked and dropped the character he had built up when the girls titter and sigh at the use of his mother tongue. _Works every time_. "And the guy just ignores me, so what am I supposed to do, just let this fucking random salivate over my baby sister?"

"Of course not! It's always so creepy when guys do that," A pretty brunette chimed, and Lovino could see the boys were listening in shrink into themselves.

"Exactly, bella. So I go over and punch the guy right in the... ah, what's the word?" And that's his favorite part, because he had lived in America for nearly four years, not counting the 6 years before he moved to Italy, but his accent was still thick enough that it worked.

"Nose?" Asked an eager redhead Freshman, whose grin nearly split her face when Lovino nodded in thanks.

"Si, si, I punch the guy right in the nose, and he hightails it outta there, and I never see the bastard again, lucky for him."

When the girls predictably fawn over how "manly" and "chivalrous" Lovino is, he preened because, for a second, he could pretend that the guy hadn't punched him right back and then proceeded to beat Lovino down.

"Ragazze, ragazze, it really was nothing," Lovino allowed the smirk to come this time, since he found that his smirk worked way better than his smile. "I'd do anything to help a pretty girl."

And any one of the pretty girls that he's passed up in favor of finding them a guy that fits with them would say as much; but he only did it because he liked having people owe him, not because he was actively avoiding the love struck teens. Because Lovino is, above everything else, a Vargas.

And Vargas men like women.

* * *

_lovi! lovi i hate math so much dio_

**shut up bastard. youre annoying.**

_but loviiiiiiii_

**if i get caught with this note i will kill you**

_jajajaja youll be okay (^▽^)_

_you never told me how it went with that christina girl_

**shes with bruce now. she seemed happy enough when i waved to her earlier**

_but i thought you liked her? you said she was really pretty_

**sh-as-pro-ct**

**she was annoying**

_oh_

**yeah oh. **

**now stop being conspicuous before mrs "im so old i helped make math" catches on**

_idk what you mean im n_

* * *

"I can't believe I got in trouble," Antonio whined as they walked out of math.

"It's because you're a dumbass," Lovino said, blunt and unsympathetic as always. It was the third time it happened, and they'd only been in school for a month and a half. "You grin down at the paper and write really obviously."

"I can't help but smile when I think of you, Lovi," Antonio murmured, almost too quietly for Lovino to register. But he did hear it, and his face responded accordingly by flushing his cheeks a light pink.

"Antonio-" Lovino started, but they were already to the Caf, and Antonio's next class was halfway across the school and he had 3 or less minutes to get there.

"Well, I have to get going, see you later?"

Lovino rolled his eyes, pushing the incident aside. "I have to drive you home, of course you'll see me later, tomato bastard. Go the fuck to class."

Antonio chuckled and then-

And then he, the fucking idiot, in front of everyone in the hall and the Caf's glass wall, took Lovino's hand and pressed a quick, warm kiss to his knuckles. Lovino froze as his eyes widened and his face was probably a weird shade of scarlet by then, but before he could yell or scream or _anything_, Antonio was gone and Lovino was left holding his hand unnaturally far away from him and a twisting feeling in his stomach.

He ran to the bathroom because it was too much, too much, _too much_ and everybody was staring at him and he had to get away.

"Sono etero," He splashed water on his face, repeating it, "Sono etero, sono etero, sono etero." He's so involved in convincing himself that _he is a Vargas, he isn't a fag, he likes women_, that he didn't notice that there was someone there until they clear their throat.

"Ah, sorry, I'll just leave, I didn't mean to-" The kid, a blond with long hair, seemed to fold in on himself the more Lovino looked at him, and stuttered his way through an explanation, but that wasn't what Lovino wanted.

"Shut the hell up, kid. Do you speak Italian?"

The kid looked shocked, but forced out an, "Um, no."

Lovino nodded to himself, "Good. Don't repeat any of the shit you heard me say. Ever. Or I will end you."

"Ah," The kid laughed a bit, before awkwardly tampering off when realizing that Lovino was serious as the plague. Lovino vaguely wondered if the rumors that he knew people in the mafia was still going around. "Right. Sorry, I'll go…"

"Wait," Lovino said before he could stop himself. _Why do I always do this?_ He inwardly sighed. "People don't just run into fucking bathrooms because they're okay. What the hell is wrong, bastard?"

The kid hesitated, and Lovino was thankful that he didn't bring up the fact that Lovino himself was hiding in the bathroom too. "Um, well, there's this girl-"

"Of fucking course there is. Look, kid-"

"Matthew."

Lovino rose a brow, because the kid - Matthew - looked so resolute, like it took him forever to steel himself up to say that one sentence, and he was honestly impressed that Matthew had enough balls to interrupt him. "Fine then, _Matteo_," Lovino started again, using the Italian variant to see if Matthew would gather up enough courage to correct him again. "I'm going to help you."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that..."

"I know," Lovino began walking out, only slowing slightly to glare at Matthew when he didn't follow quickly enough, "That's what makes me so fucking nice. Now, which one is it?"

"It's Ju-"

"Birdie!" And then _Julchen fucking Beilschmidt_ was there, crashing into Lovino's newest project, trying to give him like 20 different kinds of water. _She likes him_, he thought absentmindedly, looking around for someone that a nice, quiet guy like Matthew would like. Before he looked over and saw Matthew smiling at her retreating back, several waters in his arms, the same dumb as hell look on his face that the Potato Bitch got when she was looking at Ali. _Fucking hell. _

"Dio Mio," Lovino ran a hand down his face, because _of-fucking course_, the guy would like the best friend of Lovino's main problem. "Per favore, tell me it's not her."

"Why? What's wrong with Jules?" Matthew asked, the very picture of defensive. This guy was _smitten_.

It was bad business to insult the matches, so Lovino waved away the extensive list of the Albino's faults. "Nothing wrong with her, per say. Well, aside from her being arrogant and a potato-"

"Potato?" Matthew's nose scrunched up in confusion, "What-?"

"-But it's more that she's friends with- Never mind. She's fine. Whatever. I can do this." Lovino nodded, his pep talk working because he _could_ do this, he had had to make worse matches with worse people, and walked into the sea of tables. When he didn't hear the light steps of his newest assignment following, he turned around and scowled at the boy. "Are you coming or not, bastard?"

Matthew quickly scampered along, following Lovino to his back corner table where Dmitri, Chun-Yan, and her eternal Russian Shadow (More commonly known as Anya Braginskaya) waited- right by the best window in the Caf - muttering apologies along the way.

God, Lovino sure as hell had his work cut out for him.

* * *

_**Sono etero -** I'm straight_

_Poor Lovi. Here begins the main arc of conflict. And may I just say, don't kiss people if they don't want to kiss you. Don't do what Antonio did, that was honestly a dick move, especially since he has at least a vague idea of Lovino's jumbled feelings._

_The scratched out part of the note section says "She was a project"_

_Um, some things to clear up, mama and papa Vargas aren't evil or anything, they're just old-fashioned. If the Vargas parents knew about Lovino and/or Alice's sexual preferences, then they would probably be fine because they're their children and they do love them. They just grew up in a time where being gay was probably the worst thing you could be, and if your child was gay, it meant that you did a bad job raising them. While that's not an excuse for their behavior, I feel like you should know that they aren't like, super horrible and they would never hate Lovi and Ali._

_And! New people sort of named at the end!_

_**Dmitri -** Nyo!Ukraine_

_**Chun-Yan -** Nyo!China_

_**Anya -** Nyo!Russia_

_See you next writing time!_


	3. How to Begin a Day

_So ik I said in htwap that I wouldn't be updating because nanowrimo but w/e. Please enjoy!_

* * *

**Some alleyway, Italy, age 11**

Lovino Vargas stared at the sky. Everything ached, he could barely see out of his left eye, and the metallic tang of blood covered his taste buds.

"Lovino..." A hesitantly quiet, high pitched voice said from above him and oh yeah, Alice was there too. "Fratellone, we still have to go get mama's groceries."

Lovino pulled himself up, wincing minimally. Alice was worrying the sheet of paper in her hands, an uncharacteristic frown on her face. Lovino hated it when she frowned.

"Yeah, sorry Ali, I was just resting for a moment," Lovino stretched, subtly taking account of all the new bruises that littered his skin, and got completely up.

"Lovi, we don't have to go, we can ask someone to use their phone and mama would understand, I'm sure that she-"

"If you don't hurry up, I'll leave you behind," Lovino started limping to the store, ignoring his sister's worries. If he continued on, town gossip would tell his mother that he'd gotten into _another_ fight, and he wouldn't have a chance to explain himself, and that would suck, but…

_"Atta boy! Protecting little Ali's honor and still getting stuff for my Lola, now _that's _a real Vargas man!"_

But Lovino would be fine.

They walked in silence, until Alice mumbled, quietly enough that Lovino knew that he wasn't supposed to hear it, "Why do you always get into fights for me?"

Lovino deflated a bit, not enough to be noticed, but still. No matter how noble he liked to make it seem, besides the fact that the fights _were_ about those older bastards having the nerve to call _his _baby sister a _troia_, they weren't completely for her. Yes, it was the calls of _"Look, it's the troia that looks like a boy!" _that first caught his attention, but it was the following _"And her girly big brother too! Hey, Vargas, you should trade your jeans for the troia's skirt, eh?"_ that really, truly pulled him in. He was selfish, he knew it, but Lovino Vargas was a Vargas man, he _was_, and he would be treated like one, damn it!

As the duo neared Moretti's, the only store that the Vargas' gave their support to because of friendship ties, Lovino stopped because _Gabriele is in there, no, no, I still have another week, he's not supposed to be here yet, why the fuck is he back this early?_

Gabriele Moretti, Lovino's best (only) friend in Italy, was - objectively speaking, never in Lovino's own opinion, _never_ - handsome. He'd been an awkward kid, all limbs and skin and bones, but then his parents had sent him off to some boarding school in England and he'd came back... _different_. Over his school year, Gabriele's shoulder had widened and he had started working out, finally filling out his lanky frame. He'd grown out his hair, so the deep black locks (That he now held in a _ponytail_, of all things, and it looked _good_ and not at all girly on him) perfectly framed his paler-than-average face and made his grey eyes pop. Lovino had been asked - several times, by several different girls - if Gabriele had a girlfriend or anything (He didn't know, Gabri had never mentioned anyone in their five years of best friendship, and Lovino didn't care anyway, he _didn't_). He was nice as well, making him the "perfect" guy in many of Lovino's female classmates' eyes.

"Gabri's back in town," Alice said, glancing between the window that displayed Lovino's best friend and Lovino's frozen figure, "I could always get the stuff by myself, you don't have to go in."

"No, I'll be good. What could Gabri do to me anyway?"

The bell over the door tinkled as the Vargas pushed their way in, and the teen at the counter looked up from his book, customer service smile plastered on. "Welcome to Moretti's! We're having a sale on tomat- Oh my god."

"_Ciao_, Gabri," said Lovino weakly, "You're back early."

"Don't you 'Ciao Gabri!' me, Lovino Vargas! Look at you!" He turned towards the back of the store, "Mama! Mama, I'm taking my break, Lovi and Ali just came in!"

Mrs. Moretti came out, only tsking lightly at Lovino's disarray, "Okay, Gabriele. The frozen peas that we have upstairs would probably be the best for that eye."

"Got it! _Grazie_, mama!" Gabriele hopped over the counter, grabbed Lovino's arm harshly and started to pull him up the stairs, Alice trailing silently behind them. When they were upstairs Gabriele let go and pointed at the kitchen table.

"You, sit." Lovino nodded, and Gabriele turned to Alice, smiling lightly, "Do you want anything, Ali? Water, juice? I could probably get you a soda from downstairs, on the house of course."

"Just water would be fine, thank you, Gabri."

"No problem, anything for a pretty girl, si?" Gabriele winked and nudged her on his way past, and it only bothered Lovino because Alice was his little sister and nothing else, really. Gabriele stopped to glare at Lovino, normally bright eyes turned stormy, "If you move, I'll give you another black eye. You know I'd do it."

And Lovino did, just like he knew that Gabriele was only being aggressive because he was worried as fuck, but that didn't stop him from grumbling after the other boy had left. "Dumb Gabri, gone for five months and comes back thinking he knows everything, threatening me when the he doesn't even know what happened, that jerk."

"I'm sorry, Fratello!" Ali exclaimed suddenly, eyes wet with tears, "I'm sorry, if I had just-"

"Don't apologize; I'm your older brother! It's my _job_ to get fucked up fighting dickheads who're mean to you."

The blubbering stopped and her eyes widened, but she continued to argue. "But if I wasn't so clumsy then papa would let me keep my hair longer and I wouldn't look like a boy, and if I hadn't kissed Hilie-"

"Alice Margherita Vargas, shut the fuck up," Lovino growled as he grabbed her face, easing up at her slight wince, "You loved that annoying German girl, right?" He let go, waiting until Alice nodded hesitantly to continue. "Then don't you dare apologize. No one, _no one_, can tell you that you can't kiss whoever the fuck you want, even if it's a dumb potato bitch, and if they do then they'll have to deal with me, you understand?"

Alice nodded, wiping at her face, before hugging Lovino. "Grazie, fratellone. Grazie."

"Don't mention it, Ali," Lovino ruffled her hair and did his best to not gasp as she literally squeezed _all_ of his bruises, "Now get off of me."

* * *

**Romulus Vargas' American home, America (Age 16)**

It was 6 am, a good 40 minutes before his alarm would even _go off_, and Lovino Vargas was awake.

He was going to kill Lotte.

**From: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

**Hi hi Lovino!**

******To: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

******What do you want**

**********From: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

**Oh, I can just feel your energy this morning! But I digress.**

**I need you to come into school early, i.e. don't skip first bell (= ᆺ =)**

******To: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

******Why**

**********From: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

**I have something for you (= ↀωↀ =)**

******To: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

******Just tell me now**

**********From: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

**Nope! (= ↀωↀ) See you before first bell! **

******To: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

******I hate you**

**********From: ❣ (=^ω^=) ❣**

**Love you too, 'Vino!**

Lovino weighed the pros and cons of actually going to first bell (Pro: Not getting on Lotte's bad side, cons: literally everything else). _Fuck it, she'll just have to wait._

Just as he thought he could maybe go back to sleep for another half an hour, Alice burst into his room, hair askew.

"Fratello! Oh, you're awake, buono! Sakura is sick and Mr. B's car is in the shop and sorellona Julie doesn't get picked up until right before first bell, so Moni wanted me to ask you if you could drive us both to school today? Please?"

Lovino groaned, because he was a teenage boy and he would whine if he wanted to, damn it. "But it's _so early_. You can't just ask a guy to wake up this early with nothing in return, Ali."

"I'm sure 'Tonio wouldn't mind!" Alice smiled at her brother's completely unamused face, "It'd really mean a lot to me. Pretty please, with sugar on top?"

Lovino tried to not look at her, because he wasn't _heartless_ and he couldn't resist Alice's puppy eyes, but the pull was too much. "Goddamn it, fine! I'll drive you and your fucking potato to school."

"Not 'my potato' yet, fratello!" Alice trilled as she skipped out, "And we need to leave by 6:30 if we're going to have time to pick up 'Tonio and Moni, so start getting ready!"

Lovino whined at the door as she shut it, before dragging himself out of bed. He groggily opened his bedroom door and stepped out into the open area between his room, closet, and bathroom, nearly tripping on a pair of shoes in the process. He was halfway ready when he remembered something.

"Goddamn it, I have to wake up the idiot. Shit." Lovino went back into his room and picked up his phone, dialing a number that he'd never admit to knowing by heart.

_"Hola? Qu-Que tal?"_ Antonio's voice was gruff with sleep and Lovino quickly schooled the part of his mind that quite enjoyed the rough-yet-smooth sound of early morning Spanish.

"Good morning, bastard!" Lovino yelled, allowing himself to smirk when the Spaniard audibly fell out of bed. He could see why Antonio always yelled good morning to him now. "I'm going to be at your front door in… less than 15 minutes. Be dressed."

_"Lovi, what do you mean? It's not even 7 yet!"_

"I mean that if you don't want to _walk to school_ then you'll get your ass up. Goodbye."

"Wait, Lovi-"

Lovino disconnected the call, focusing on getting ready again. As soon as he was done, and with five minutes to spare, he walked down the stairs, the ugly modern shit that his nonno's girlfriend had chosen barely even making him scrunch his nose. Nothing could ruin this.

"Look who's up!"

Lovino froze, hand halfway to a muffin, when he heard his grandfather's voice. Romulus Vargas was nearly 55 years old, but he still looked like he was in his late 30's, and his youthful looks got him more young women looking for a sugar daddy then Lovino cared to count. It was horrible.

"You're here," He said, coming off more surprised than he would've liked.

"Si, I am. It is my house after all."

Lovino turned around to face his grandfather. "Is it? I wouldn't know, with how often you're out sleeping with some throwaway girltoy."

Romulus' face contorted for a second, before it was forced back to a neutral look. "Lovino," he said warningly, "I don't take kindly to being judged by a child."

"I 'don't take kindly' to being called a _child _by the old man that constantly leaves me to raise Ali on my own," Lovino spat, not having inherited his grandfather's restraint. "Why the fuck are you here?"

Romulus rose from his seat, taking a few steps towards Lovino, "Now listen here, Lovino-"

"No, you listen, asshole!" Lovino snapped, pushing Romulus back, "You _promised_. You promised Ali that you wouldn't do this anymore and yet, here we fucking are. Is it worth it?" When his question was met with silence, Lovino continued, "Did you know that Ali actually worries about you when you don't call or text or anything? She isn't immune to your dickwad tendencies like how I am, okay? She actually cares, and it'd be fucking nice if you could remember that next time you decide to suddenly go to the next town over and hook up with some 20 year old."

"I- I'm sorry," Romulus said, quietly. Like how he always did.

"Save it, bastard, I'm not the one you need to apologize to," Lovino scoffed, wiping away the angry tears on his face, the angry tears that were fucking _always_ there after he 'talked' to nonno. He began walking to the garage, stopping only to call up the steps to Alice.

And to think that it had had the potential to be a good day.

* * *

Lovino surveyed the Vargas' rather extensive key rack, looking for the one he needed… there! The one to the four-seater Maserati. He preferred to drive his own Fiat (because driving a Maserati to school in this town was like yelling 'Yes, hello, I'm rich, please continue to harass me about it forever!') but it was small and, while it was fine when it was just two teenage boys, the back seat would be cramped for the girls. Besides, he didn't want his pretty car infested with gross potato germs (And, yes, Lovino did know deep in his mind that he was slightly ridiculous with the whole Monika thing, but this was his baby sister's first real love interest in forever that they were talking about here!). He walked into the 5-car garage, stopping at his own bright yellow Fiat to take his parking pass out, and started the car. Alice was in it a moment later, babbling excitedly about something, probably Monika or school related and the two were off to go get Antonio.

When they pulled up in front of the Fernandez-Carriedo's, Lovino had to actually get out and knock. Mrs. Carriedo answered the door, looking flawless as usual despite the fact that she had probably just gotten out of bed.

"Good morning, Lovino. Are you here for Antonio?" She asked, accent marking her voice as softly as her smile did her face. At Lovino's answering nod, she turned and yelled some sharp Spanish back into the house. Lovino shivered at the stern look on her face because _damn_, Mrs. Carriedo was scary. The answering voice was whiny and muffled and unmistakably Antonio's. Seconds later, the Spaniard was hoping down the stairs as he stuffed papers into his backpack, holding a piece of toast between his teeth.

"Lovi!" He spoke as soon as he got his backpack on properly and could grab his toast, obviously surprised by Lovino being at his door, "I didn't think you meant it literally."

"I said to be ready, didn't I?" Lovino asked, the _bastard_ that he normally would've added on going unsaid.

"Ah, si, sorry! Let me go grab your coffee and we can go!"

Lovino sighed as Antonio nearly tripped trying to run to the kitchen, before turning to Mrs. Carriedo. "Sorry to bother you, ma'am."

"Nonsense, Lovino, it isn't your fault that my son is horribly clumsy," She replied ruffling Lovino's hair, punctuating the sentence with a yawn. "I just wish that he'd stop waking me up… But you can go back to your car - Oh, you have the red one today! I like that one; it's very pretty looking, si? - and I'll tell him to go out."

Lovino nodded thankfully, saying a quick "Grazie, signora!" before going back to his car.

Alice, who was now texting at a speed that Lovino could only dream of, first words upon noting his return were "Lotte says that you better be almost to school by now."

"Tell Lotte that she's lucky that I'm even coming in early," Lovino huffed, "Needy Belgian girls with their cat emotes and their headbands."

Antonio chose that moment to open the door and get in (and he _slammed_ _it shut _behind himself, why did he find it necessary to always slam Lovino's car doors?). Lovino started off towards the Beilschmidt house, they picked up Monika, and they were at school soon thereafter.

When they arrived at the school, Lovino was nearly knocked over by Lotte. He instinctively looked around for her extremely terrifying and very jealous boyfriend, sighing in relief when he wasn't there.

"'Vino! You actually came! I mean, Ali said you were going to, but she's only a reliable source 60% of the time, so…" Lotte trailed off, before reaching into her bag and pulling out an envelope. "Here you go! It's my anniversary with Vash, and I'm having a party. You're invited and encouraged to bring a plus one." She winked and made exaggerated glances at Antonio, who was lingering several feet away. Lovino glared at the other teen, and he pouted but made his way to class nonetheless.

"Why do you keep doing this when you hate him? I'll be coming alone, like always," Lovino huffed, before remembering that _he had a project_. "Wait, is the albino going to be there?"

Lotte rocked on her heels, "I don't know... if I invite her, then I have to invite the other two, which means actually giving an invitation to Fernandez…"

Lovino sighed. He thought over how much he valued his privacy and his pride. _Missing out on a classically easy scenario to get the dummies together, or_ _selling out for the sake of some guy that I'm helping_. Lovino thought of how Julchen had looked at the blond the day before, and how Matthew had looked back at her. Damn it, he knew what he had to do.

"I'll bring someone if you invite Julchen."

If someone said that Lovino was selfish, he'd invent a time machine and bring them back to that moment.

"You will?" Lotte's eyebrows rose, before she considered it, looking as sly as the cats she so loved. "Hm, I suppose I can just get Vash to hand Antonio his invite or better yet, I can just make Francis give them out to both of them. Two annoying birds with one rose, if you will."

Lovino took the invitation from her, pushing his coffee tumbler into the crook of his elbow, "Thanks, Lots, it means a lot."

"Yes, yes," Lotte waved him off, "Whoever you're bringing better be great."

Lovino shrugged, not really wanting divulge everything to her, waved goodbye, and started towards the study hall room. Once he arrived, he was surprised to see Matthew, sitting right there, reading. Like reading a _normal_ book, not doing last minute homework or anything. _This kid is weird._ Lovino ignored where Antonio was waving at him from and sat with the bespectacled blond instead.

Lovino sat down heavily, reveling for a moment in how he spooked Matthew, before beginning to drink his morning coffee

"Lovino? You're in this class?" Matthew blinked at Lovino's nod, "... I've never seen you before."

"It's fucking first bell study hall," Lovino said, before explaining, "Almost everyone skips it," when Matthew looked confused. God, this kid was _weird_. He glanced around the room, apparently trying to see if Lovino's claim had any evidence. Lovino looked around as well, turning back quickly when he caught Antonio's eye from across the room.

"Hm... I suppose so. Why are you here then?"

"Several reasons," Lovino sighed, counting them off on his fingers, "The potato bitch's car is in the shop, so I had to drive her and Ali along with the tomato bastard, I got a text from Lotte about something 'super duper important', and I'm giving you an opportunity to get closer to the albino."

"Um... what?"

Lovino rolled his eyes because if he wasn't such a saint, he'd have given up on this one by now. "Short version: Ali, Alice, is my sorellina - ugh, damn it, sorry, habit; my _little sister_ - and the potato bitch is her girlfriend, in everything but name, aka Monika Beilschmidt, your albino's little sister. Lotte, as in Lotte Peeters – Blonde Belgian girl, always wears a headband," Lovino was reaching, but Matthew continued to stare blankly at him, "You'd probably know her if you saw her - texted me and then gave me this," He paused to toss the invitation at Matthew, "Which is an invitation to attend a party to celebrate her anniversary with a guy that I set her up with. You're coming with me, because I know for a fact that Julchen and her duo of idiots are going to be there, and, as the Spice Girls said, 'you gotta get with her friends'. Got all that?"

"Uh, I think so?" Matthew flipped the envelope in his hands while Lovino bemoaned the fact that he had just used a Spice Girls lyric in normal conversation. _Unironically_. He needed more male friends. "Oh, but how do you know all that if the envelope is still closed? And didn't you say something about a 'tomato bastard'? You didn't explain him."

"I have my sources, Matteo. I'm not the most successful matchmaker in town for nothing, damn it," Lovino huffed, congratulating himself for not lighting up like a Christmas tree at the mention of the owner of the green eyes that were staring a hole into the back of his head. "A-and as for the tomato bastard, he doesn't fucking matter. He's an irrelevant idiot. Don't ask about him again."

Matthew blinked, he did a lot of that, but he didn't push the issue. _Maybe this guy isn't too bad._

* * *

_AND HERE WE ARE!_

_I made this (and htwap) my nanovels, so I'm actually working on them :D_

_This chapter is like the size of the whole fic thus far, and I divided this thing in half once already omg. _

_So, we got to meet Gabri this chapter, who's excited? I am. Especially for next chapter. We'll see how much I update, seeing as most of my days are filled w writing, but I'm ahead thanks to nano word sprints, so! New chapter :D_

_Hope you all enjoyed~_


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